Confessions of a Perfectionist

As I've gotten older, I have come to realize there are times when things are going to be messy or out of line - this is ok! I must be maturing somewhat because a few years ago, I ran around like a crazy person making sure everything appeared in order, to perfection.

It used drive me nuts when the house wasn't in order, the kids left their stuff unorganized and everything wasn't lined up to the perfect T. I must confess, it is still hard sometimes to see things out of order and I realize everyone is not like me; I don't think I would be able to stand it! Part of this or much of this I should say comes from my childhood when I really look back and think about things. Leaving my home in New Jersey at a young age and moving to Maryland with my mom, I just wanted everything to be ok. I would smile through the hurt and pain although things were in flux all around me. I would cover up the bad and tough times just to give the appearance of perfection with the hope of the perfect life I created in my head would come true.

I have never been one to like the feeling of not feeling good and everyone around me not smiling or feeling good and happy. This bothered me so much and I would run in circles trying to put everyone's life including mine back to what I thought was perfect. Thinking about this now is a scary thought and progress at the same time.

Eventually, I ran out of gas and the perfect picture of what I was tricking myself into seeing and feeling began to fade. Wow, I thought - how could this be? It took some time and I realized it was me. I read a lot, I talk to people and I even have an accountability group and great connections with people who live many miles from me. It wasn't until recently where I learned that you have to allow yourself to feel the hurt, the pain and the anxiety. Covering up just to be perfect or a perfectionist does not cut it in the real world. We have to allow ourselves to go through the natural emotions of life and we will have a better chance at healing and growing into who we are - perfectly, imperfect.

I confess that I am perfectly, imperfect and I acknowledge the good days, the bad days and anything in between. Allowing myself to feel all the stages of emotions has brought me a long way and I am less anxious and more open to what the world has to offer and all the things that are waiting for me as I travel this journey.

What would you like to confess? Is there a situation new or old where you have come through the other side successfully? Share in the comments where you are in the process. I love hearing how you work through situations and if you need help, I am here to help and share my experiences with you in hopes of making an impact on your journey.

Weird Quirk of Mine

I have a weird quirk - well, I'm sure we all do. When I was younger, I never considered myself quirky - maybe a little bit of a perfectionist which we will cover in a later blog post. I think sometimes quirkiness and being a perfectionist go hand in hand.

When I walk into a room whether at home or my office at work, I have to see everything line up. Everything from a pile of papers on the table - organized or not, to the towels in the bathroom lining up by their edges. And, even if I leave the room and in my mind I think I saw one edge out of line, I will go back and fix it. Ok, what is this called? I have to know!

For example, as I sit here and write this blog post it is taking everything inside of me to focus and not move to where I see one of the kids shoes hanging off of the step. I can sit here now and laugh about this whereas a few years ago I ran myself ragged with this particular quirk of mine - having it all together, all the time. {After I'm done writing this post, I am getting up to fix the shoe!}

Even when I go to work the papers on my desk are organized chaos. But, at least I know where everything is! To the folders, the slips of paper, post-it notes - things are lined up and stacked where I can see everything and know what's what in the stack.

I'm not sure if this little weird quirk of mine (whatever you call it) will go away or get better with time. :) I will say, I can laugh about it now and with things out of place and edges not lined up, it doesn't bother me as much - just a weird quirk of mine.

What's a weird quirk of yours? I'd love to hear and read what you share. Maybe one day we will have a "Weird Quirk Meet-Up!"

Photo credit: @jseephotography01

My Earliest Childhood Memory

I have early childhood memories of being surrounded by family in East Orange, New Jersey. We moved to New Jersey when I was very young; just a little baby and then later, my parents bought a house in East Orange. Recently I was looking at old pictures and there is one picture of me staring at a toilet seat as I was getting potty trained. I was 18 months old and I had those baby shoes from the 1970s and there I was, looking so cool and staring at the potty. I have vivid memories of the times in our house in New Jersey and my parents would have company over; family, friends, co-workers. They would even have parties back in the day and I would sit at the top of the steps and listen to all of the laughter.

We lived under an hour outside of New York City, Harlem in particular, and we would visit my grandmother (also known as Granny) very often. She was my father's mother and we loved her dearly. My dad would drive over to Harlem and we would spend the day with her and sometimes travel to Brooklyn and Queens to visit other family members; especially around the holidays.

While in Brooklyn, we would visit my great-grandfather, Granny's father and he was the best! He was 6'5", thin and was always smiling. Maybe that is where I get my smile from. My earliest most vivid memory of him was when I was 9 years old and he gave me a record player for Christmas. I thought this was the greatest gift ever and I think today it still is. I remember smiling from ear to ear and we put on records! See, there were no CDs or DVDs back then in 1980. We proceeded to have a dance contest with my new record player which in my mind, I won! My family all gathered around and we made the most of our time together.

A few months later, my great-grandfather passed away but his memory continues to live on in our hearts and passed down to my children. I still remember his smile and his height as he was the most gentle man with a good heart. I think about the times with my family and smile knowing what we all meant to each other. I tear up at times while walking down memory lane but I think this is good and makes me appreciate the life I've built and the walk to my journey.

What is your earliest childhood memory? Is it time with friends or family? Something else? Share in the comments how you think your childhood has shaped the person you are today. To keep the memories going, I began scrap booking a few years ago to preserve the memories and pictures. When I think of my loved ones and see the pictures, I keep the memories close and my smile bright.

5 Facts About Me

Little by little, I am beginning to share a little more about myself. I feel it in my heart to share the good things, the not so good things and everything in between. I ran across a board on Pinterest which had hundreds and hundreds of pins on blog topics, blog titles, themes and even how to structure a blog post. One pin which stood out to me was sharing not only your journey, but what makes you, you...

Besides being a little quirky, funny (so they tell me), I am sensitive at heart, love to laugh and have fun. Ok there you have it - my 5 facts! Just kidding -- see, I made you laugh; its ok, let it out.

5 Facts About Me

1. I love to smile. It makes me feel good to pass a little sunshine on to someone else.

2. I started my blog when I was 41 and published my first book, A Life With A View at 43.

3. I LOVE to eat and going out to restaurants. I can recommend a good place to eat at the drop of a hat!

4. My favorite ice cream is Mint Chocolate Chip - also known as "tooth paste" to some people. (HaHa!) I do love it and pretty much anything goes if I have my ice cream.

5. I am an avid movie goer. In 2016, I went to the movies close to 25 times and I have the movie stubs in my phone! Gotta love technology!

Share some fun facts about you in the comments. I'd love to see more about you. Stay tuned for 5 more facts in the near future.

How To Handle Motherhood As An Entrepreneur

There is something exciting happening in less than a week from now. On March 1-3, 2017 I hope you will join me for the The Mom Project. What is The Mom Project? This is a movement, an online virtual conference to inspire, motivate, and empower the total awareness of every mom.

You are probably saying: "Wow, this sounds very interesting!" and wondering how this all came about. Well, my good blogger friend, Kristie of The Official CEO Mom is the host and facilitator for this great event. Over 20 moms coming together for a virtual summit to offer their expertise and guidance on handling motherhood as an entrepreneur. Excited yet? Click here to register for this great event and join us!

So why are we doing this and why participate? Well, from my own personal story of navigating the waters of motherhood while trying to pursue your own dreams is tough, very tough. You can quickly become overwhelmed and uninspired and not think twice about giving up. The Mom Project will give you three days of jam-packed motivation and inspiration to light your path forward and for you to follow your dreams. You will learn effective strategies to navigate in motherhood, business and self-care just to name a few things to be gained from the conference.

Each one of our speakers for The Mom Project has something unique to offer you to get you through your day, week, month and year. For me personally, I never thought I would set out to be a writer and blogger and I did not think I could do it and juggle all of the things motherhood brings in addition to pursuing my dreams.

Here's a sneak peek into our topics for the summit and there is still time to register by clicking here:

• Self-care for the busy Mom

• Empowerment for Women to live their God-given Purpose

• How to pursue your Passion while deep into your Motherhood journey

• Reaching Millennials: Being Authentic vs. Being Relevant

• Image and Personal Style Discovery: Your secret weapon to 10x your confidence and attract your ideal client

There is so much more to be covered when The Mom Project begins on March 1st. I am so excited to be a part of this as I have two children, 15 and 8. With busy schedules, school, activities and everything else, it is hard to find time and juggle everything along with being a mom. I am looking forward to all of the speakers and what they have to offer us. This is truly exciting and I hope you will join me.

If you are ready to get beyond being motivated and you are ready to take action as you will be equipped to do so once you attend the conference, click here to register for The Mom Project. "See" you there!

Leave a comment below and let me know as you register. Think about how The Mom Project could benefit you and other moms as we continue our journey together.

What's In A Name?

Many people have asked me over the years how I settled on the name A Life With A View. I am here to tell you, it took a few years for the name, the passion and the feeling to really be inline with my spirit. I had to feel it. Not only the name, but everything which comes along with choosing a name for something you hold near and dear to you.

In the last blog post, A Personal Touch, I wrote about the journey to A Life With A View and how I did not take my blog seriously until almost two years after I began writing. And then I thought: "a book too? What will I call the book? I'm a blogger with lots of content, what should I do?" The name came to me when I least expected it and after days and months of writing. The turning point was when I looked at the words which make up A Life With A View; I began to really see my view come into focus. {click here for my inspirational words} I discovered my life means something. The lives of my children mean something. The lives of the people I touch and will touch mean something. Hence, A Life With A View was born.

The theme for A Life With A View came to me in the Summer of 2013 when I was visiting a friend and we were talking about the ups and downs of life. At the time, my blog went by the name FIRE - Faith In Renewing Each Other. This was fine except I felt I needed more and the fire inside of me was enough to get me started. The story behind A Life With A View came from a place of pain and disappointment as it related to my divorce and the loss of my father in such a short time span. Those were very tough times but I plowed through with my faith leading the way.

A Life With A View, the book came first and at the time I had no idea I would change the blog name to match the book. My thinking at the time was centered around my fire and I had to ask myself as I continued to grow: Wouldn't I have the fire anyway to do what I love? So in the Spring of 2016, I renamed the blog to A Life With A View and eventually moved over to this site in the Fall of 2016.

So, here we are and the journey continues. To recap:

1. The concept of A Life With A View was born in 2013 but the name of the blog was FIRE - Faith In Renewing Each Other. I still incorporate FIRE into my brand.

2. In 2014, A Life With A View, the book came to me and I pulled together my most precious blog posts to create the book, A Life With A View.

3. In 2015, A Life With A View, the book was published for the world to see.

4. In 2016, two things happened: The blog was renamed to A Life With A View and I made the move to a new website platform complete with branding for A Life With A View which is much better for my readers.

Do you have something special which you created? Do you have a name for your passion or project? Think about how your passion or project makes you feel and share in the comments below. It is ok to change course and do what feels right to you. Let me know your thoughts and I'd love to see your journey to what's in a name.

A Personal Touch

This year in 2017 will be four years for me as a blogger. For the first two years, I would blog here and there and I had my writings all over the place. It wasn't until late 2014, early 2015 where I began taking my blog and writing seriously. At the time, I decided I was going to publish a book. A book I thought!? How was I going to do this? I wrote a lot of blog posts and many of them did not make it to my previous website. I had an idea! The light bulb went off and I decided to turn the blog posts which I felt had the most impact on people into a book. These posts are near and dear to me and I wanted to share them with the world. How did this make me feel? The S word haunted me...

I was scared to death and had no idea about publishing a book, how to do a book cover or anything. So I took to online research and reached out to friends who have taken this on before me and asked a lot of questions. The most common answer I received other than the helpful tips of getting started with editing, publishing and marketing was: This must feel right to you. I had to feel this in my heart - publishing a book wasn't something I wanted to roll out of bed and just do. I wanted it to feel right, be right, and have my personal touch.

After months of editing and working with my publisher, the final product was almost ready. I say almost because I still wanted to add a little more to my book; embrace the journey a bit more. Guess what? After all of this, I still hadn't settled on a name for my book! At this time, and I will take you back a bit to 2014; my old blog was called FIRE - Faith In Renewing Each Other. I loved the name and still use it in some of my branding today. But, I felt I wanted and needed something more and I asked myself what did this look like to me. What was my personal touch? What defined me in this life?

One early Sunday morning in the Fall of 2014, it finally came to me... A Life With A View. There it was, my personal touch. My very own masterpiece. It was a long road to get here and well worth the journey.

Stay tuned for my next blog post where I dig a little deeper: "What's In A Name?" I will talk more about A Life With A View and how I came up with the name. In the meantime, you can grab your copy of A Life With A View and follow the journey by clicking here for a signed copy and free shipping. You can also find A Life With A View here on my website.

I would love to hear what makes your personal touch special to you and others. Share in the comments and let's keep the conversation going.

Choose Hope Over Negativity

There was a point in my life where I chose hope over negativity. I didn't think at the time I had to choose hope; I thought it was automatic. Wouldn't I want to be hopeful versus being negative? It was a hard choice not to drown myself in my sorrows. It took more work to make the choice not to be swallowed up by what was going on in my life. Two kids and a ton of bills later, I could not continue feeling hopeless...I had to get up and do something.

At this point, hope was the only option. I was hopeful my proposals for straightening out my bills to the bill collectors would be accepted and most of all, I relied on faith. When times were tough, I turned to a few people and when the response was a negative one in my mind, I turned to hoping for the best to make it through the day. The determination I have would not let me fail; I could not fail my children because of the hand we were dealt. Oh, and you should have heard some of the comments I received: "Are you going to make it? You are almost 40 and raising two kids is hard enough. Just deal with it." I knew I wanted more out of my life and most of all, I deserved better.

Negativity can come in many forms and when you least expect it. Being judged for being a single mom and it appeared everyone else had a husband, man, or significant other. Why did I choose to let go and take a chance at being happy? I did it for peace, serenity and positivity. I mainly let go for hope; the hope I held onto knowing in my heart good things were on the way.

I had this desire to be the example to other people going through challenges and letting them know through my words and actions, it does get better. You have to stretch yourself a bit to go beyond the negativity which sometimes surrounds you. For me to stretch myself, I took to writing. I could be in my space and write on my own time. Whether early in the morning or after the kids were in bed, I found the time to write. This also forced me to be more organized and streamline processes at home. This can sometimes be hard to do since the kids have school and other activities. I made the time and used the time I had to the fullest extent.

Making the time for the things I wanted drowned out the negativity. People did not come at me as much and I didn't even notice until one day I woke up and realized "no negativity today". Each day I kept walking towards hope and finding and developing my purpose. I discovered my purpose is to write and share my story and to help others share their stories. Being an inspiration to others has pushed me forward and I remain hopeful and make better choices; good, positive choices.

I chose hope over negativity. What have you chosen? Is it forgiveness or happiness? Something else? Let me know in the comments what you chose. You can also write in your journal and be sure to refer back to what you have written to track your progress. It is definitely still ok to be in this process as we are all works in progress.

Now go forth and be great!

I Grew Up Thinking I'd Fail

A lot of people don't know this - I grew up thinking I would fail. The odds were against me when my parents separated in the early 1980s. We moved from Northern New Jersey to the Washington, DC area with my mom and lived with my grandmother for the next six years. Life as I knew it would change forever. I was 11 years old at the time and the odds of my succeeding in my mind were very minimal. I thought a lot about my family not being together anymore and we were now over 150 miles away from my dad and the family on my dad's side. All I could think of at the time was how this was going to change me forever and I didn't stand a chance out here in the world to succeed.

More odds were against me as I went to a new school, a new environment and moving to "the country" as I called it at the time. As I got older and into my teens, the feeling of not succeeding began to subside a bit and although failure was my first thought, I began to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. If I did well in school, listened to my parents (even my dad who was far away), I felt the odds of me succeeding would be pretty high. Many of my friends had both mom and dad at home so this contributed to me thinking my success would be minimal. Something in me clicked when I turned 17 and I began to push my way through the odds...

...There was an opportunity to go to school part-time if you were a senior in high school and you had good grades. I became determined to get good grades and keep them so I could attend school part-time and get a job five days a week. It wasn't easy and still with this, I thought I would fail at the task of juggling both school and a job. I kept going even without a car which you needed here in the Maryland/Washington, DC area to get around. I wasn't used to this since in New Jersey you could catch the bus or the train anywhere you wanted to go. In my mind, this was another road block and something else which would check the failure box in my head.

I kept going. I caught the bus, the train, hopped a ride with friends thinking the thoughts of failure would subside over time. Those thoughts came and went when I was up against large and small challenges in my life or setbacks as I call them. Every time something happened which was unscripted or unplanned, I would be devastated. I believe this stems from my childhood and not wanting to disappoint anyone for fear they would split up from me like my parents split up when I was younger. This stayed with me and defined me even into my mid 30s and early 40s. Something had to be done and changing my thinking was the very thing which came along and made me see that failure is not and was not an option.

During the 20-year span of my ups and downs after my childhood, it took some internal work on myself to realize I was not a failure. I turned to writing and expressing myself through my journals and my blog and I felt the thoughts of failure begin to lift. We all have trials and tribulations which we face on a daily basis and everything isn't always pretty. I realized this was my way of dealing with the things in my life to make them better - the view through rose-colored glasses.

Do you remember my blog post on rose-colored glass? You can find it here and also a recent newsletter to my email subscribers tells a story about rose-colored glasses. If you would like to read the newsletter, leave a comment below and go here to subscribe to my weekly emails. We talk about all kinds of topics from inspirational items to what's happening in the week or month. Would love to have you as part of A Life With A View and this is also Your Life With A View.

Did you grow up thinking you would fail? Do you still think you are going to fail in this life? I'd love to hear your take and comments on this subject. Many thanks to Joyfully J for this writing prompt. Very helpful for sharing and getting my story out for the world to see and read.

The Detours and Winding Roads in Life

Life, with its many twists and turns can take us for a loop at times. Around and around until we have no idea if we are coming or going. I remember certain times in my life where I felt those twists and turns were a little more intense than others. I think back to 8 years ago when my father fell ill and passed away suddenly a few short weeks later. It still feels like yesterday; like a moment stuck in time. Was this for real?

It was around this time 7 years ago and our family thought we made it into the new year and with the new year, we were hopeful for my dad to get better. We made it past his birthday, January 19th and thought "he's going to be ok since he made it into the month of February 2010." Little did we know this winding road we call life took the ultimate detour for us and for my dad who just turned 63 a few weeks before he passed away.

My sister who is three years younger than me, stepped up as the strong one since I could not think about being strong during this time. We had plans; plans for a great life ahead and for my dad to see my kids, his grand kids grow up and continue living their lives. My sister had a milestone birthday coming up in March 2010 and she was holding onto my dad still being here to celebrate with her and to celebrate with all of us as we had big celebrations in our family. When my dad turned 60 in 2007, we had a big party for him and I was particularly thrilled since I turned 35 during the same month.

Here we are: 10 years later and my dad would have turned 70 this year. A lot happened after my dad passed away. We still celebrated my sister's milestone birthday in March 2010 and my son and daughter's birthday followed in April and May. My dad would have wanted us to celebrate, live our lives, go to work, be happy and continue building our lives. How do I know? He told me this - "Lynda, go to work and take care of the kids" he said in his last days in the hospital. I stayed by his side never left until the time came when I had to leave.

Over the next few years, I grew up in a sense and remembered all of the things I learned from my dad and I traveled the winding roads full of detours, potholes and slick lanes only to catch my footing and bounce back better than ever. Of course there were other detours and winding roads ahead of me where I had no idea what the outcome would be. I know this - I am still here, still standing with the road ahead being uncertain I am taking this on and embracing the challenges; the good, the bad and all the things to come.

Here we are in the present and all of the lessons I've learned over the years has made me fearless when looking ahead whether the road is a winding one or straight, narrow and predictable. So I say to you, tell your story. It defines you, releases you from the past and defines your journey going forward.

I would love to hear about the things you've overcome and remember, you are here to tell your story. While the road ahead may be uncertain, remember to embrace your journey hold on tight and get ready for the ride.

Embrace Peace and Serenity

Now more than ever we need to embrace peace and serenity. Over the past several months and in recent weeks, we have seen the world change so quickly right before our eyes. We could not even blink and there it was - a change; a forever stamp in history and etched in our minds, our hearts and our soul. To say this is a shock to our system would be an understatement. Many of us screamed, yelled, cried all out of anger and the passion for the life we have built for ourselves, loved ones, and how far we've come - especially for women (because I'm a woman). To see all of the things we as a people have worked so hard for possibly being used in a way which threatens our existence is hard to watch much less tolerate. We must embrace peace and serenity during this time and for our future and the future of our children.

I also applaud women across the country who united to march in January for the freedom we worked so hard to obtain. We have a voice, you have a voice; we all have a voice. Sometimes the last thing we think about is embracing peace and serenity since we are so filled with anger and emotion. Embracing the peace puts us at ease. It may not seem like it at first since we are so filled with emotion about what is happening around us.

While it is so easy to keep spiraling down hill as our world is so influx, take time to surround yourself with peace and practice feeding your soul in a way which keeps you at your very best. In a world which seems so dark at the moment, you have the light within you to shine through anything in front of you. You may be the light which shines to embrace others who are having a tough time embracing their peace.

Here are some ways to embrace your peace and serenity: {Pray, Catch up with a friend, Read a book, Take up a hobby, Write, Take a class on something you are interested in pursuing, Go to a comedy show, Live, Laugh, Love}

How do you practice peace and serenity? Share your thoughts in the comments. Remember to keep pressing forward towards peace and serenity, and surround yourself with those who are on the journey towards peace.

A Beautiful and Free Mind

I had trouble with my writing at one point. I was stuck and only seeing things through rose-colored glasses. Ironically, this was only about a year and a half ago and I look back to the time and think: "What was I holding onto? What was going on during the time when I was struggling with my writing?" I remember vividly as there was so much going on in my life with my son transitioning to high school, my daughter was trying out for a dance team and I was working like crazy in my full-time job as an IT Manager. Those were some tough times with long days, lots of demands and very little time to think or much less write...so I thought. I had to work harder; push forward.

One of my many faults is I tend to paint pretty pictures, fluff and not face challenges as much as I should. To fast forward just a bit to now, I have grown a lot and this has made me a better writer, communicator and most of all, honest with myself and my feelings. Now, to go back to the time I mentioned - a year and a half ago - a good friend and an amazing blogger and writer, GG Renee of All The Many Layers has perfected writing prompts for self-discovery. I thought: "Wow, I can do this - I need this so badly." And, wouldn't you know it - one of the prompts was "rose-colored glasses." How timely!

As I removed my rose-colored glasses and began looking at myself and accepting my faults, flaws, good things, things I could improve upon and the things I am good at - I opened my mind and I accepted what a beautiful mind I have; while embracing my own shadow. I am no longer afraid of my faults and flaws - I'd rather embrace them, accept my faults as I go through life no longer being afraid of what is in front of me. Continuing to love myself and showing others the way and the road to healing and self-discovery.

To free my mind, I had to get back to what I love - writing. Do you ever get sidetracked and wonder what happened? Sometimes we blow it off and think "Oh, just another bad day" or "I'll get back to it". We all have bad days and we have to allow ourselves to feel the pain as it makes us stronger and more resilient. I am still working on the rose-colored glasses thing a bit. My assessment of this is me wanting everything to be ok; to be perfect in my own little way, my own world as I see it. My eyes are more open and I embrace change a little more than I did in the past - a healing of sorts to self-discovery.

Having a beautiful and free mind allow you to embrace the journey of self-discovery. I am thankful for GG Renee and many others who have embarked on this path before me. With plenty of road ahead of me, I want to see things more clearly; taking off the rose-colored glasses.

Feel free to comment on this post about your journey to self-discovery; beautiful and free. Do you or would you like to write for self-discovery? Let me know how I can help you. Stay tuned in the very near future for writing prompts to get you started and keep you on your journey.