As I've gotten older, I have come to realize there are times when things are going to be messy or out of line - this is ok! I must be maturing somewhat because a few years ago, I ran around like a crazy person making sure everything appeared in order, to perfection.
It used drive me nuts when the house wasn't in order, the kids left their stuff unorganized and everything wasn't lined up to the perfect T. I must confess, it is still hard sometimes to see things out of order and I realize everyone is not like me; I don't think I would be able to stand it! Part of this or much of this I should say comes from my childhood when I really look back and think about things. Leaving my home in New Jersey at a young age and moving to Maryland with my mom, I just wanted everything to be ok. I would smile through the hurt and pain although things were in flux all around me. I would cover up the bad and tough times just to give the appearance of perfection with the hope of the perfect life I created in my head would come true.
I have never been one to like the feeling of not feeling good and everyone around me not smiling or feeling good and happy. This bothered me so much and I would run in circles trying to put everyone's life including mine back to what I thought was perfect. Thinking about this now is a scary thought and progress at the same time.
Eventually, I ran out of gas and the perfect picture of what I was tricking myself into seeing and feeling began to fade. Wow, I thought - how could this be? It took some time and I realized it was me. I read a lot, I talk to people and I even have an accountability group and great connections with people who live many miles from me. It wasn't until recently where I learned that you have to allow yourself to feel the hurt, the pain and the anxiety. Covering up just to be perfect or a perfectionist does not cut it in the real world. We have to allow ourselves to go through the natural emotions of life and we will have a better chance at healing and growing into who we are - perfectly, imperfect.
I confess that I am perfectly, imperfect and I acknowledge the good days, the bad days and anything in between. Allowing myself to feel all the stages of emotions has brought me a long way and I am less anxious and more open to what the world has to offer and all the things that are waiting for me as I travel this journey.
What would you like to confess? Is there a situation new or old where you have come through the other side successfully? Share in the comments where you are in the process. I love hearing how you work through situations and if you need help, I am here to help and share my experiences with you in hopes of making an impact on your journey.
